That Feel When A Job Fair, Your Thesis Proposal, 2 Class Presentations, and Planning Your Classes for Next Semester All Fall in the Same Week

AKA Totally fine.

Just gotta be updating my unfortunately ineffectual resume, researching companies that'll be at the fair so I'll hopefully impress them and be able to keep loan companies from coming to break my knee caps this time next year, planning what I'm going to wear, realizing I'm too damn fat for my "professional" skirt, writing my 5-8 page proposal for my senior thesis which inadvertently turned out to be about THE TOPIC FROM HELL, making an annotated bibliography for said hellacious thesis and realizing that I haven't gotten nearly enough reading done, and planning my schedule for next semester which I have to get done by a certain time because I have to register at a certain time and if I don't get the classes I need, I won't graduate on time, and then I have the stuff that I actually have to do for my classes that are not getting done. 

 I haven't missed a single class this week. I'm sleeping well. My stomach totally doesn't feel like it's dissolving into an oozing pile of ulcers.

I'm fine.

Just great.  

"What do we say when the fire alarm goes off while you're in the shower?"

And then you think about how if there really is a fire, the shower is really one of the best places for it, because there is water. Worst case scenario? You die of smoke inhalation. Silver lining? No more worrying about how to pay your student loans

Fun Facts About Me Courtesy of My Sister

ME: *texting* What’s a fun fact about me? I’m signing up for another internship site, and it’s a question they’re asking.

SISTER: You once damaged a tear duct from sneezing with your eyes open?

ME: That’s actually a fantastic one, but probably not something they really want to know.

SIS: When you get really sweaty, you smell like either a Taco Bell or a Golden Corral?

ME: Golden Corral? Really? Also something they probably don’t want to know.

SIS: You’re single and UNwilling to mingle?

ME: I’ve heard acephobia is a thing, so probably not.

SIS: You watched an entire season of Game of Thrones in a day? You’ve never tried Purple Drank? One time, you and your sister ate an ungodly amount of black-eyed peas?

ME: Possibly Game of Thrones one…unless that makes me look lazy. WHY AM I SO UNINTERESTING?!

SIS: Once when you were fifteen, you cried like a bitch when Dad took your ice cream?

ME: …

ME: I WAS ON MY PERIOD!!

Discussing My Course Load With A New School

ACADEMIC ADVISOR: Okay, it looks like you’ll be able to graduate with us next May with no undue strain!! :)

ME: Oh, that’s gre-

HER: You just need to complete 17 credits per semester. You’ll also need 5 English classes, including the course for your senior thesis, and a math credit, because yours don’t exactly fit with our gen ed program.

WHAT I SAID: Totally doable.

WHAT I THOUGHT: I would rather chop off my own arm and butt-fuck myself with it in front of a live studio audience.

Summer of Car Trouble II

A couple of nights after my father's car broke down, I needed to borrow my mother's for the day. So, I dropped her off at work, ran my errands, and then went to pick her up at around three in the morning.

We were driving back home when I rounded a curve and three deer bounded out across the road.

I slammed on the brakes and swerved enough to miss one, while another ran off. I managed to get the car stopped.

...in the same place where the last deer stood staring at us. I knocked it about five or six feet away, and then it got up and ran off. I'm freaking out, and my mother-who is famous for being anxious to the point of needing medication when it comes to driving-was completely calm.

"It's fine. It sounds like you didn't hit hard enough to damage the engine, and that's the important thing."

However, when we got back to the house we realized the ENTIRE passenger side headlight had been knocked out. Not like "glass-covering-the-bulb-was-broken" knocked out, but "literally-everything-that-makes-the-light-work" knocked out. There was just this gaping hole where it used to be.

The Summer of Car Trouble I

My entire summer was marked by car trouble. I have enough anecdotes for one miles long post or a few smaller ones. I've chosen the second option. TIME FOR THE FIRST STORY:

I had been home from college for about a week. I was driving one of my local friends around in my father's Buick. On our way to a concert, we stopped at a red light and saw that smoke was coming from under the hood. We stop at a gas station, and the realization that my father hadn't driven his car in months bit me in the ass.

The only problem I could see that we could fix right on the spot was that there was absolutely no water/coolant in the engine. I put half a gallon of water in it, and the car started right up with no smoke. All was well. However, my friend thought it was a good idea to stop by my house since it was on the way to our destination and have my father look at the car. I was like,

"Okay. Worst case scenario, you get to have a surprise sleepover."

We made it about a third of the way up the road to my house before the car overheated and died. We walked the rest of the way to my house.

Almost a mile.

Uphill.

She got her surprise sleepover.

Going Shopping for a Dress After My School Closed...

ME: "My favorite store was closed!"

MY BROTHER: "Not everything in your life is going to close, I promise!"

ME:

The Worst Thing: The Aftermath

The day it was announced my school was closing, the first thing I did was call my sister. She is the person I'm closest to. We talked about it, and then she was able to distract me by talking about other things. Probably Game of Thrones, because that is a sure-fire conversation starter for me.

And also...

if you need a reminder...

that your situation...

could be WAAAAYYY worse...

than yours...

think of ANY GoT character.

Like...seriously. Don't watch this show. 

Where was I going with this again?

OH YEAH!! 

Discussion with my sister about my school closing. I was sufficiently distracted, and then I asked about her. The response:

HER: "I'm good. The weather's been kind of shitty up here though. School might cl-"

ME:

"Did you really just stop yourself from saying 'closed?'" (Like you appreciate what that word even means)

HER: "...Maybe."

The Worst Thing

Arguably, the worst thing to happen to me happened on March 3, 2015. That was the day my college would be closing forever due to "insurmountable financial difficulties." They said that the class of 2015 would be the last graduating class.

I am a member of the class of 2016. Surely, they wouldn't just...give up? Not when I only had one year left. But, it seemed like that was what would happen. The place that had been my home for the last three years-the entirety of my adult life-was going to close, and I was in the wind. I had nowhere else to go, no idea what I was going to do. For weeks afterward, I wandered around in a state of shock. I couldn't focus on my schoolwork. I missed work a few times. Obviously, I couldn't focus on writing a blog.

Things ultimately worked out in the end. The school remained open, but I was able to get some good stories out of it.

I'M BAAACK

I was distracted for the last few months, but I have returned. Anecdotes to come!!

Apparently Bad Luck is Genetic...

This always seems to happen. When I want to make fun of my misadventures, they stop happening. Oh well. I do have a rather unfortunate story about my younger brother, showing that bad luck is, unfortunately, genetic.

Little background about my little brother: He's special needs, so developmentally, he's at least a few years behind his age group. If I had to describe him in a trope, he would be a gentle giant. He doesn't like being the center of attention, but his appearance is important to him, and he likes fitting in.

Where could this POSSIBLY be going?

It happened over break. I was still at home for the winter, while it was the weekend before my brother was to go back to high school. Unfortunately for him, he was having the beginning of an acne break out, so his face was stuck in that phase where the blemishes aren't ready to be taken care of, but they are in fact noticeable.

Thinking he could get around the fact that the pimples were NOT ready to be squeezed, he tried to squeeze them.

Basically, the poor guy tore a piece out of his chin, but did very little for the gross stuff under the surface. VERY basically, his face looked like the inside of a pomegranate by the time the fool was done with it.

So, who wants pomegranate juice?

Anyway, he gets to school, and THIS is how people react:

The teacher instantly called the nurse at the sight of it, and she decides, based on looks, because my brother sure as hell isn't telling her he mauled his own face, that it is in impetigo.

Anyone know what impetigo means? I didn't when I read the note she sent home. I only found out when my nurse mother got off work and read the note.

The school nurse thought my brother had a highly contagious STAPH infection.

We're cleared it up with the nurse, telling her that he was just a BIT too overenthusiastic with his grooming, but my brother was like this pretty much the entire week:

All my poor, unassuming, doesn't-want-attention brother wanted was to look nice before he went back to school.

He ended up mauling his own face and almost getting quarantined for possibly having Staph.

Just...poor bastard.